I know my mind is grinding to a halt when all I do is stare at a blank computer screen for an hour and not realise it. My mother has been talking at me and I miss everything she says. I have to keep saying "What?" and looking blankly at her. I'm trying to stir myself into some kind of action but I just cannot be bothered.
I like letting steam off in this blog. I think it helps that I only know there's one person who reads it all the time and the rest is obscurity. I like to think there are people out there who can relate to me. I like to think that I'm not alone in feeling like this.
I haven't written anything moderately creative in about two months - ever since I started feeling like this, actually. It's like something is blocking every motivation. My novel is sitting there gathering dust. It's disheartening, it's like I'm failing in the one thing that I should be good at.
Urgh! I'm sick of this. This stagnant feeling. I want to move forward, go. But it feels like I'm wading through something sticky, or something is holding me back. I can't sleep, I constantly have a headache. I nearly broke down on the bus on the way back from college, I just had to zone out and stare blankly out of the window. If I had tended to those emotions I would have cried right there.
I'm going to see my GP next week to talk about all of these feelings. I need to feel alive again. I need to feel different to this. It's been two months since I started feeling like this, it really can't go on. I need help.
Shit.
I need help.
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Hey. I wish I'd known about more of this so I could help you. What would you like me to do?
And the next time you think you'll break down on the bus and I'm on it, just come and sit next to me and I'll give you a big hug. That's what I'm here for.
Weirdly enough, you and Xamycah are going through the same thing ... I was reading her MySpace blog the other day. I don't know if you talk to each other, but that's something you could possibly discuss.
I'm guessing I'm the one person who reads it all the time, then? (How could you tell? :P) But seriously. I check yours and Becky's blogs on, like, a daily basis...
But it's good that you're going to see your GP. It does sound a little like depression due to the lack of motivation, particularly in things you enjoy, and not being able to sleep. Or it could always be a severe case of senioritis :P Sorry, that wasn't funny at all.
Anyway. Do tell us here how you get on next week. And I'm always around if you need me *big hugs*
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