Today I have been presented with a choice.
I am overweight. There is no denying this fact. People can always try and console me and say 'oh, no you're not fat. not at all' but I KNOW that I am. I'm not blind and I am not stupid. In the past I have tried to change the wrong way. I have tried to take the quick way and that just doesn't work. Starving myself never worked for the long term. It was dysfunctional and it was the wrong way.
Today I went to my GP about feeling depressed. The first thing she bought up was my weight and whether that could be a factor. Well of course it could! I have some serious self esteem issues, which is never going to help improve my outlook on the world let alone myself. Despite feeling low and sad, I desperately want to live. I know I am not living now, I am just existing. No-one likes a fat girl.
So maybe I have had an ephipany. I think that now is the time to change - before I go off to university and leave this self contained world I have created. Before I have to go out into the world on my own I am going to become someone who can function in it. The reason I feel so good about this now is because I'm not doing it so I will be slim and men will fancy me and I will feel loved. I am doing it because I want to feel happy with myself and my life, not through validation from other people but through validation from myself.
So I guess this is me being optimistic.
I guess so.
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1 comment:
*big hugs* It's so good to see you being optimistic :) I missed the optimistic you. and change is always good :)
Oh, and being slim does not equal men throwing themselves at you. Trust me, I know. I've been a size 8 my whole life and I've had nothing.
But enough about me. I'm really glad to hear you're doing well. Hope your blood test went okay too :) x x x
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