I don't know anymore. Can I go there again? Are we meant to be together, or am I just fooling myself into thinking that we should be? I'm so confused. Did I ever stop loving you? When you got together with her I was jealous, but maybe that was because I wanted to be the only real girl in your life. I don't know. I've always clicked with you, I've always felt comfortable around you. When I am around you I like to hug you and to touch you. It just happens, and if I reach for your hand I'm not always consciously aware that I am doing it.
I wish things were simple.
I wish it were black and white. Yes, I want you. Or no I don't. Simple. Effortless. Instead I have to separate like from love. Friendship from relationship. Head from heart.
I don't know if I'm the only one but I can never seem to tell which want is coming from where. When we spoke about us last year I didn't know if it was real or not. I didn't know what was going on. If you were just fooling me back.
Hm, I would like us to try. But then again, it's all good and well me wanting something but what about you and what you want? I wish I could read people's minds sometimes. Just reach in and know exactly what they are thinking and who they are thinking about. It would decode a lot of stuff. It would make my life so much easier.
In the words of Coldplay, and I don't quote Coldplay often:
If you love me, won't you let me know?
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If it were up to me... (italicised it as it's a Killers lyric :D) I'd go for it. God knows when we'll see him again; when he's at you-know-where we all know he'll just become a recluse until he gets his First :P
I'd say go for your heart too. Okay, so maybe in the long run it may not be the best decision, but who cares? No one ever had fun being pragmatic and sensible. Unfortunately I also don't know how he feels. But you guys have always been close, and it's been that way for a long time, so I could only take that as a good sign. I'd just say don't jump into anything, especially considering what he said the other day. The way you reacted clearly shows how you feel about him (in my opinion, anyway). You want something more than to be a friend-with-benefits. So, yeah. Go for it. But not right now. But then I don't know when would be a good time to get over it, because I don't know how long it takes to get over someone. Who knows, maybe he'll be a little clearer about the whole thing once that happens and he works out what he wants.
[/end freakishly long comment :P]
x x x
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