You're the line in the sand when I go too far

I am not elegant. Most of the times I walk into things, trip over things, trip over myself and knock things over.

I used to have an image of myself where I was a woman of elegance. I would wear fancy ball gowns and be hanging off the arm of a man wearing a tuxedo and looking suspiciously like Tom Hanks in Big.
Now I can't help but thinking that I've deviated away from that vision. I don't know if that's a bad thing or not, I don't even know if I will become that in the future. Just because I have a tattoo doesn't mean I'm inelegant, but somehow I feel I have changed. Not just because of the tattoo. The way I dress is far from lady-like, the way I talk is not at all elegant, but it is me. And isn't that the most important thing at the end of the day?

I still hold views on romance that will never be wavered. I want the Tom Hanks look-a-like who looks so good in a suit you can't wait to get him out of it. I want a man to kiss my hand, tell me that I look gorgeous. I want a man who will do something extravagant and tell me he loves me every day of his life.
I'd hate to think that I was a hopeless romantic, doomed to spend my life lamenting over lost loves and what ifs.

That is why I'm making this decision.

I'd rather regret things that happened rather than regret something I never did. I'd rather say those three words and get knocked back, because at some point the world has to give me something. I live in hope that one day the one for me will turn around and confess his undying love for me and we will walk into the sunset into our 'happily ever after'.
My best friend told me today that there isn't enough hope in the world. I agree, but you make your own hope, don't you? I will not change who I am to conform to something. I won't be the girl who dotes and falls over herself for a man who doesn't want her. I will be the calm, elegant and poised woman, who holds her head up and don't take no shit from no man.

And I will be that woman wearing jeans and a band t-shirt, because, damn, this is me and I can't run from her.

By the end of this year I will fall in love. My life will be an explosion of colour and sound. Music that I've never heard before and colours I don't know the name of but will wear everyday of my life because they look good on me.

The future is bright. We all have to believe that.