Let's Talk About Hex

I am currently sitting in my room, freezing half to death. I'm convinced I caught a chill this afternoon. Nevertheless, it was a nice afternoon.

I should go to bed. It's half past eleven and I was grumpy all day today through tiredness. I guess I will never learn.

At this current moment I am feeling quite flattered. I like it when people express an interest in my work, it makes me feel that it's not all for nothing. Sometimes I get attacks of low self esteem - who doesn't? - I'm not going to be whiny about it. For a change though I feel positive for once.

I wrote a piece today out of my grumpyness. Enjoy. x

The feeling is like a wave, unstoppable and unrelenting. I close my eyes against it, in an attempt to subdue it, or at least soften the blow.

Where is God when you need him?

He’s probably drinking tea with the Mad Hatter; today is his unbirthday. In my head he wears a sparkly party hat. It squats on the top of his head at a jaunty angle. It reaches for the sky as they sing Happy Birthday, pointed.

I wish he would come home.

My stomach feels like it’s going to eradicate itself through twisting and heaving. The thought of eating makes my stomach do flips and threaten to crawl out of my throat; slimy, limp and purple pulling itself across the desk only to die mid-step.

I am in a bad mood. I know this. I can’t shake it off, it clings to me like the smell of cigarettes. I’ve run out of money to pay for my prayers, so now I’m just kneeling here, hands together, practically begging for forgiveness.

Smile. Flash. And relax.

They like to keep records of my shame for future reference. I don’t think it is standard procedure, but it keeps them smiling if they can grasp the glossy photographs in greasy fingers and believe I am there too, smiling with them.

The breathing is agitating me. Each breath is like being forced to the ground and held there. I’m suffocating
And yet I breathe just as easily as them all. The bastards. My itchy feet signal the need to run.

To burn would be a wonderful thing.

I wrote this on the fly in English, mostly out of boredom. It's not refined exactly, I just wrote it and then typed it up. I have edited bits out but nothing has really been put in.

Anyway, I hope you enjoy it.

I am off to get some well earned rest!

Ciao.
xoxo