To love and to be loved is to feel the sun from both sides

The title of this entry is a quote by David Viscott. I don't know how many people would have heard of him, I certainly hadn't heard of him until I stumbled upon this quote. If you want to know more about him, Google him. I could sit here and regurgitate the Wikipedia entry but that's not the point.

My focus is the quote and the truth it holds for every single human being on this godforsaken planet. We all know what unrequited love feels like. Having the love radiating from you but never feeling the warmth of that special someones love back. It's painful. We all long to feel the sun from both sides, don't we? We all hope and pray that one day that person we love will turn around project their love onto us.

Why am I writing this? I don't know. Maybe it's because I wear my heart on my sleeve. The line between 'like' and 'love' gets blurred sometimes, and I just can't see the woods for the trees. Maybe it's because of my low self esteem that I will probably carry for the rest of my life. Because to be welcomed into an embrace by someone strong and manly makes me feel good about myself and it's like a drug and I find myself wanting more. The crux of it is that I don't know if I've been in love or not throughout my 18years on this planet. I'm not going to say decisively yes or no because I feel that would be writing off one of the most important aspects of my life.

I fall easily. Maybe too easily. I like to feel wanted but then when I am wanted for real it scares the hell out of me and makes me want to run so very far away. So how do I solve that problem? I don't know. Until I do I'll only be feeling the sun from one side. And I wonder is that such a bad thing? Maybe the real reason I run from someone who wants me is because speculation is better than the truth. Loving someone who doesn't love you back - whilst painful - is safe because if it changes it can only change for the better. Admiring someone silently from afar is fine because you'll never know the horrible truth. In your mind you can make up all types of possibilities and hide from the truth that can really hurt you.

So maybe when it comes down to it I'm not the gritty realist I saw myself as.

You may say I'm a dreamer - but I'm not the only one.