You're up there, took the stairs to the stars all alone.

I know my mind is grinding to a halt when all I do is stare at a blank computer screen for an hour and not realise it. My mother has been talking at me and I miss everything she says. I have to keep saying "What?" and looking blankly at her. I'm trying to stir myself into some kind of action but I just cannot be bothered.

I like letting steam off in this blog. I think it helps that I only know there's one person who reads it all the time and the rest is obscurity. I like to think there are people out there who can relate to me. I like to think that I'm not alone in feeling like this.

I haven't written anything moderately creative in about two months - ever since I started feeling like this, actually. It's like something is blocking every motivation. My novel is sitting there gathering dust. It's disheartening, it's like I'm failing in the one thing that I should be good at.

Urgh! I'm sick of this. This stagnant feeling. I want to move forward, go. But it feels like I'm wading through something sticky, or something is holding me back. I can't sleep, I constantly have a headache. I nearly broke down on the bus on the way back from college, I just had to zone out and stare blankly out of the window. If I had tended to those emotions I would have cried right there.

I'm going to see my GP next week to talk about all of these feelings. I need to feel alive again. I need to feel different to this. It's been two months since I started feeling like this, it really can't go on. I need help.

Shit.

I need help.