Wednesday, 11 March 2009

I don't know what I want

I don't know anymore. Can I go there again? Are we meant to be together, or am I just fooling myself into thinking that we should be? I'm so confused. Did I ever stop loving you? When you got together with her I was jealous, but maybe that was because I wanted to be the only real girl in your life. I don't know. I've always clicked with you, I've always felt comfortable around you. When I am around you I like to hug you and to touch you. It just happens, and if I reach for your hand I'm not always consciously aware that I am doing it.

I wish things were simple.

I wish it were black and white. Yes, I want you. Or no I don't. Simple. Effortless. Instead I have to separate like from love. Friendship from relationship. Head from heart.
I don't know if I'm the only one but I can never seem to tell which want is coming from where. When we spoke about us last year I didn't know if it was real or not. I didn't know what was going on. If you were just fooling me back.
Hm, I would like us to try. But then again, it's all good and well me wanting something but what about you and what you want? I wish I could read people's minds sometimes. Just reach in and know exactly what they are thinking and who they are thinking about. It would decode a lot of stuff. It would make my life so much easier.

In the words of Coldplay, and I don't quote Coldplay often:

If you love me, won't you let me know?


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