I'm so weak

I realise that I blew it. I realise that I was the one who tore us apart and ruined. Maybe you and me would never be what I would've liked but maybe we may have just been friends.

So, I took one last dive in. One last risk. And it didn't pay off and now I have no other choice but to accept that you don't want to be in touch with me anymore. I have to understand that you have a new life. But it's hard when you're keeping in touch with everyone else. She told me you were happy and I'm so glad. If the move has made you a happier person, if you can start to feel better, then I am all for it. I will admit that I was holding on and hoping for something. But maybe this is the last hurdle to giving you up, because you disappointed me again and it's all my fault. I thought you might give me another chance, like I gave you so many when you let me down and left me feeling like a bad person. I guess I was wrong and that's no one's fault but mine.

I only want to start to feel okay again. There was a period where you weren't in my head but then it got closer and closer to my birthday and I couldn't help but think back to what you said that time. The request was a peace offering. Something to wipe all the shit away and just act as if nothing had happened. Maybe I should've put that in a message to you, made it clear that I didn't want us, I just wanted something.

So I suppose that I am going to move on this time and stop entertaining thoughts that you might change your mind and want to talk to me again. It's funny how your silence only makes me feel worse. I'd feel better if you told me to fuck off, at least then I'd know. I still wouldn't understand but at least I would know.

I guess Death Cab will be my band of choice for a few weeks. And that's okay. At least now I can start on the path to getting over you. Not just faking it but actually doing it. I suppose I can thank your silence for that.

He was always distracted by the very mention of an open door.

And so it is,

Over and out, she said.