This is really the only 'safe' place I have to rant and vent. I feel like a huge bag of shit lately, and it doesn't seem to be getting any better. Whilst everything is placid at home (for once!), I seem to be losing my grip on myself. I feel like I am just falling and falling and I don't know where I'll land, or how I will find my way out.
For the last couple of days my buzzword seems to be sorry. I seem to be the living embodiment of sorry. I am sorry that I do not reach the standards morally that are set in certain companies. I am sorry that I drink. I am sorry that I smoke. I am sorry that I didn't wear a chastity belt until I was in a loving relationship. I am sorry that I am me.
But it's all I am and all I can be.
Right now my hand is on self destruct. I don't want to sit and ponder the world. Really, I don't. I want to go out and party and have a bunch of fun and drink loads. This is all I want to do. I am sick, fucking sick, of being told 'don't' when I make a decision that I want to make. If I want to buy a bottle of vodka, I will buy it. If I want to smoke a pack of cigarettes in a day, I will fucking smoke them. I can't be fucked to listen to petty criticism that I, quite frankly, do not care about. I don't need to be made to feel guilty, I carry enough around with me.
I just wish, for once, people would get off my back. Because I am fucking breaking and I'm not entirely sure if anyone can see that.
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