Maybe I was stupid to e-mail you. Both times. In fact, I was stupid to e-mail you, and I was stupid enough to think that you would bother e-mailing me back. You've changed and I don't know what changed you. I thought you would always be there to lend an ear but this weekend you were just making excuses for yourself. I don't want messages from other people telling me this and letting me know that. I don't want your reasons or your logic. All I wanted was someone to talk to and you couldn't provide that. And I can't help thinking I was just a job to you - and if I was fine, but don't go pretending that you're willing to go beyond the call of duty to help someone when you're just not. Do not patronise me.
As for the holiday, you're not being fair. On them or on me. We don't deserve it. We just want you to make up your mind and stick to it. You want me to be honest? Fine. Stupidly, I want you there. Probably because I am a huge fool and masochistic to boot, but I do want you there. Even though you're not yourself, even though time after time things have happened to change stuff, I still want to see you.
What changed? Why did you change? Or where you like this all along and I didn't realise? I don't know but there's the man I know and I can't find him in you anywhere. I was a bitch this weekend. I admit that. I was hurting, fuck I was hurting so much. I felt like I meant nothing. As soon as my name was off the record it was out of your mind too - and maybe that is how it is for you. I don't know, but after everything, can it be? I don't want to lose touch. It's not like I want to talk to you all the damn time, or anything like that. It's just - I would like you to drop me a line every now and again. Can't you understand? You know some of the most personal stuff about me and it's a big part of me and you're the only person who can help sometimes, who can keep me from going off the rails, and make me smile. That's selfish, I know. That sounds like I want to just use when I want and then drop you when I don't. It's not like that.
I know I'm young, and really stupid sometimes. Just know that I want you in my life. Maybe you don't want me in yours and if you just tell me I can take it. I'll leave you be.
Don't hurt them because of me though - if that's what it's about. If anyone shouldn't be going on holiday it's me. Not you. So don't not come on my account. I'll stay away from you, keep myself to myself. I feel extremely guilty that you're more willing to lose money than come. It's just not right.
We can work something out. I'm so fucking sorry for being stupid.
Hex.
Sunday, 18 November 2007
Friday, 16 November 2007
Polo Overdose...
Is it possible to eat too many polo's? Especially when they are 'Extra Strong'? Ah well, they're keeping me awake. I'm so tired, but really it is worth it. Had drama rehearsals alllll this week on top of the very late night after the My Chemical Romance gig. Add homework to the equation and you have a Hex that be dead on her feet.
Thar be the weekend tomorrow folks! RAVE! Well, not really 'Rave' is it? I have a driving lesson at 8am, which means another early morning. *Cue cries of BOOO & Hissss!* And then I have to buy something fancy for speech day and then I have to go to speech day AND THEN I have to do Metamorphosis and Streetcar and on top of all that have a life. Blegh. It's rubbish.
And who, pray tell, invented boys and all their stoopid ways? Whoever it is I wanna shoot them because two certain men are always on my mind and gah! it's so annoying. But apart from that it's all peachy :] <3>
Luuurving college and all it entails. Buuut looking forward to Poland! You know it babay! Me and Rin are gonna rave it up in the snow. I must by a warm jacket or I shall come back as an icicle. Not fun.
Anyhoo, I have an English lesson soon with the Human Sedative. So I shall love you puppies and leave you.
To infinity and beyond!
Thar be the weekend tomorrow folks! RAVE! Well, not really 'Rave' is it? I have a driving lesson at 8am, which means another early morning. *Cue cries of BOOO & Hissss!* And then I have to buy something fancy for speech day and then I have to go to speech day AND THEN I have to do Metamorphosis and Streetcar and on top of all that have a life. Blegh. It's rubbish.
And who, pray tell, invented boys and all their stoopid ways? Whoever it is I wanna shoot them because two certain men are always on my mind and gah! it's so annoying. But apart from that it's all peachy :] <3>
Luuurving college and all it entails. Buuut looking forward to Poland! You know it babay! Me and Rin are gonna rave it up in the snow. I must by a warm jacket or I shall come back as an icicle. Not fun.
Anyhoo, I have an English lesson soon with the Human Sedative. So I shall love you puppies and leave you.
To infinity and beyond!
Wednesday, 14 November 2007
Last night will go down in history...
As one of the best gigs in the history of the world.
My Chemical Romance. Sheffield Hallam FM Arena. A 2 hour car journey. Right in front of Ray Toro. 3 people away from the barrier.
Can you people say 'Immense'?
Of course, I will always say that they rocked the house down and they kicked ass and that Toro looked mighty fine (which he did) but every word I speak/write about this gig is true.
We got there late. I was stressed, excited, terrified, etc. When we entered into the arena Mindless Self Indulgence were about 3/4's into their set. Honestly, I'm not keen on them, but they put on a bloody good show, so kudos to them for that.
I'll admit, I was stropping. I don't like being at the back, I wanted to be near Toro for my last gig for 2(ish) years, so we pegged it into the crowd and did the whole shuffling into gaps thing. Me and my friend assembled a bulldozer and chugged our way nearer and nearer.
And then it started. They came on.
Toro wearing some weird lookin' mask and other strange props. Gerard in a waistcoat people! Mikey looking as emotionless as ever ( we love him really) and the substitute drummer and rhythm guitarist. I was going insane in that very moment. This wasn't the Black Parade. This was My Chemical fucking Romance. Thus followed the best 1 hour and 10 minutes ever. Period. 2 new, immense songs. A very sexy looking Toro and the best songs ever to grace my ears. Yes, I cried in Cancer, again.
Moving on, I don't wanna talk it out. I'm in a bad mood this morning. I don't wanna moan and whine, but I'm a teenager, it's what I'm good at. It's all boys, boys,boys. One college boy in particular. Hmm. That is all.
I'm tired and just cannae be bothered.
Loves.
My Chemical Romance. Sheffield Hallam FM Arena. A 2 hour car journey. Right in front of Ray Toro. 3 people away from the barrier.
Can you people say 'Immense'?
Of course, I will always say that they rocked the house down and they kicked ass and that Toro looked mighty fine (which he did) but every word I speak/write about this gig is true.
We got there late. I was stressed, excited, terrified, etc. When we entered into the arena Mindless Self Indulgence were about 3/4's into their set. Honestly, I'm not keen on them, but they put on a bloody good show, so kudos to them for that.
I'll admit, I was stropping. I don't like being at the back, I wanted to be near Toro for my last gig for 2(ish) years, so we pegged it into the crowd and did the whole shuffling into gaps thing. Me and my friend assembled a bulldozer and chugged our way nearer and nearer.
And then it started. They came on.
Toro wearing some weird lookin' mask and other strange props. Gerard in a waistcoat people! Mikey looking as emotionless as ever ( we love him really) and the substitute drummer and rhythm guitarist. I was going insane in that very moment. This wasn't the Black Parade. This was My Chemical fucking Romance. Thus followed the best 1 hour and 10 minutes ever. Period. 2 new, immense songs. A very sexy looking Toro and the best songs ever to grace my ears. Yes, I cried in Cancer, again.
Moving on, I don't wanna talk it out. I'm in a bad mood this morning. I don't wanna moan and whine, but I'm a teenager, it's what I'm good at. It's all boys, boys,boys. One college boy in particular. Hmm. That is all.
I'm tired and just cannae be bothered.
Loves.
Sunday, 11 November 2007
Hmm...
When I said get out of my head, I didn't mean get out of my life. Just in case you're reading this. You've got some nerve. I don't know what you're trying to do, but you're being an idiot and you better get your priorities straight, kay?
If you're not going to come to Poland, don't. Just don't go messing everybody around on it and making people feel like shit. Personally, I don't give a crap whether you are there or not. No, I won't be uncomfortable. The only way it would be is if you made it so.
Contrary to popular belief...I don't hate you. Hell, I've tried to hate you but I meant every single thing I wrote in that letter. Do you still have that, or have you chucked it? I guess I'm a walking, talking contradiction. I want to shut you out sometimes but I still want you to be a part of my life. That's not so bad is it? I want to e-mail you, ask you out for a coffee or something. But I wouldn't want you to think it was inappropriate or something.
I guess I shall see you next Saturday, if you're going to be there. If not, see you around.
If you're not going to come to Poland, don't. Just don't go messing everybody around on it and making people feel like shit. Personally, I don't give a crap whether you are there or not. No, I won't be uncomfortable. The only way it would be is if you made it so.
Contrary to popular belief...I don't hate you. Hell, I've tried to hate you but I meant every single thing I wrote in that letter. Do you still have that, or have you chucked it? I guess I'm a walking, talking contradiction. I want to shut you out sometimes but I still want you to be a part of my life. That's not so bad is it? I want to e-mail you, ask you out for a coffee or something. But I wouldn't want you to think it was inappropriate or something.
I guess I shall see you next Saturday, if you're going to be there. If not, see you around.
Wednesday, 31 October 2007
Avenged Sevenfold - Avenged Sevenfold
Avenged Sevenfold - Avenged Sevenfold
Very rarely has a rock album been described as sexy but in this case the word sexy is the only one that comes close to describing the smooth self-titled new record from Avenged Sevenfold. Our boys have grown up and left their tales of sex, drugs and rock n roll firmly locked in their last 3 albums. The new record is mature, smooth and draws influences from almost every genre in music you can imagine. These guys could have played it safe but after the phenomenal success of ‘City Of Evil’ in 2005 the band had to show they could step it up and two years later their ascension has allowed them to make rock history. This is the album that will make Avenged Sevenfold.
I was more than eager to hear this record. In fact, I was downright exploding to hear it and in describing this album ‘disappointed’ does not enter my vocabulary. I had high expectations and the first two singles that will be taken from the album showed me that these guys had exceeded every expectation I had. ‘Critical Acclaim’ is a gutsy, mature, and strangely political rant that will cause your brain to leak out of your ears (in a good way, of course). If M Shadows’ [vocals] doesn’t have your eyes rolling into the back of your head, then guest vocals from The Rev [drums] certainly will.
This, my friends, is sex on a CD. ‘Almost Easy’ is a song that will own your soul on one listen. Jarring guitars, a solo that will make your nose bleed and a chorus that will have you crooning along almost as well as M Shadows profusely insisting ‘I’m not insane/I’m not/Not insane.’ Sure you ain’t honey.
The album smashes through your CD player never letting up on raucous drums and guitar solos that will, quite frankly melt your face off and reduce you to a quivering, but satisfied, wreck. What can I say? These guys are good.
If you’re a fan of A7x (That’s a shortened version of Avenged Sevenfold, for all you noobs) then you know that you’d be hard pushed to find a ballad, or even a slower paced song on ‘City Of Evil’. And maybe, I hear you say, this will be the same case on their new album. Think again my hard rocking amigos! Those hard asses have gone soft and now you will find at least three heart wrenchingly beautiful songs that lean a bit more to the slower side. ‘Dear God’ and ‘Gunslinger’ will have you crying into your little black handkerchiefs as the band unravel the emotional roller coaster that is being a rock star, almost acoustically! Far from being the one track minded ‘we’ll scream you to death’ artists, the guys have branched out. ‘Lost’, which starts with a church organ, is an electronic feast for the ears but not to the extent you want to strangle yourself with the synth lead. The balance is struck with the precision of musicians who have been doing this sort of thing for years and although the guys in A7x certainly aren’t spring chickens they aren’t headed for the grave just yet, so this is no mean feat. The guys obviously had to put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into this album, as they aren’t on a concept level anymore. This is raw emotion at it’s finest, and boy don’t we just love it.
Lyrically, the album is genius. A7x have never been one to pull any punches when it comes to writing chorus’ that will blow your mind, accompanied by Synyster Gates’ guitar riffs that cause your socks to jump off your feet and run away screaming. The combination is disturbingly brilliant. ‘Scream’ – My personal favourite, closely followed by every other song on the album – very fittingly starts with a scream, but more to the point harbours the sexiest lyrics, albeit creepy, in the history of the world. Shadows growls ‘You know I make you wanna scream/ You know I make you wanna run from me.’ Maybe it’s just me but I have to restrain myself from tracking down Mr Shadows and…
Ahem. Moving on.
‘Brompton Cocktail’ is an astonishingly emotive song that left me reeling. It appeals on both a metaphorical and literal level. Husky vocals and grinding guitars dominate this track with a chorus so declarative and emotive that your heartstrings will be well and truly plucked. This is no half assed attempt at a song that could potentially touch a lot of people, he sings ‘I won’t struggle on/ In a world so cold/ In a world so wrong.’ Emotive, huh? This ain’t no ballad either, it’s aggressive, husky, dominant and threatens to eat your face with one false move. What’s not to like about it?
What tops this whole record off is the penultimate song on the record. It is the song, which shows Avenged Sevenfold off as true rock royalty. ‘A Little Piece Of Heaven’ is a colossal kick ass 8 minute 2 seconds ménage a trois of pain. Imagine the mentally deranged playing musical instruments and advancing on you while laughing manically and you have the track ‘A Little Piece Of Heaven’. Key changes, tempo changes, full orchestras, creepy kid choir, synthesisers and, probably, a keytar jammed in their somewhere. This is Bohemian Rhapsody with schizophrenia and Jesus of Suburbia on acid. ‘Dear God’ closes the album, and after the aggressiveness of 80% of the album, this is Avenged Sevenfold stripped of their whole hard knock façade. It almost feels as if you’re floating on air and Shadows’ voice is able to mould itself to the softness of the song while still retaining its huskiness. The guitar solo is reminiscent of Queen and Guns n Roses. Whoever said rock was dead is wrong. With artists like this around rock is very much alive and kicking.
This record shows the transformation of a band that was once good but is now becoming great. It is very fitting for the album title to be Avenged Sevenfold because it shows everything and more of what they briefly touched on in previous albums and I have a feeling that the following year for them is going to be great.
Very rarely has a rock album been described as sexy but in this case the word sexy is the only one that comes close to describing the smooth self-titled new record from Avenged Sevenfold. Our boys have grown up and left their tales of sex, drugs and rock n roll firmly locked in their last 3 albums. The new record is mature, smooth and draws influences from almost every genre in music you can imagine. These guys could have played it safe but after the phenomenal success of ‘City Of Evil’ in 2005 the band had to show they could step it up and two years later their ascension has allowed them to make rock history. This is the album that will make Avenged Sevenfold.
I was more than eager to hear this record. In fact, I was downright exploding to hear it and in describing this album ‘disappointed’ does not enter my vocabulary. I had high expectations and the first two singles that will be taken from the album showed me that these guys had exceeded every expectation I had. ‘Critical Acclaim’ is a gutsy, mature, and strangely political rant that will cause your brain to leak out of your ears (in a good way, of course). If M Shadows’ [vocals] doesn’t have your eyes rolling into the back of your head, then guest vocals from The Rev [drums] certainly will.
This, my friends, is sex on a CD. ‘Almost Easy’ is a song that will own your soul on one listen. Jarring guitars, a solo that will make your nose bleed and a chorus that will have you crooning along almost as well as M Shadows profusely insisting ‘I’m not insane/I’m not/Not insane.’ Sure you ain’t honey.
The album smashes through your CD player never letting up on raucous drums and guitar solos that will, quite frankly melt your face off and reduce you to a quivering, but satisfied, wreck. What can I say? These guys are good.
If you’re a fan of A7x (That’s a shortened version of Avenged Sevenfold, for all you noobs) then you know that you’d be hard pushed to find a ballad, or even a slower paced song on ‘City Of Evil’. And maybe, I hear you say, this will be the same case on their new album. Think again my hard rocking amigos! Those hard asses have gone soft and now you will find at least three heart wrenchingly beautiful songs that lean a bit more to the slower side. ‘Dear God’ and ‘Gunslinger’ will have you crying into your little black handkerchiefs as the band unravel the emotional roller coaster that is being a rock star, almost acoustically! Far from being the one track minded ‘we’ll scream you to death’ artists, the guys have branched out. ‘Lost’, which starts with a church organ, is an electronic feast for the ears but not to the extent you want to strangle yourself with the synth lead. The balance is struck with the precision of musicians who have been doing this sort of thing for years and although the guys in A7x certainly aren’t spring chickens they aren’t headed for the grave just yet, so this is no mean feat. The guys obviously had to put a lot of blood, sweat and tears into this album, as they aren’t on a concept level anymore. This is raw emotion at it’s finest, and boy don’t we just love it.
Lyrically, the album is genius. A7x have never been one to pull any punches when it comes to writing chorus’ that will blow your mind, accompanied by Synyster Gates’ guitar riffs that cause your socks to jump off your feet and run away screaming. The combination is disturbingly brilliant. ‘Scream’ – My personal favourite, closely followed by every other song on the album – very fittingly starts with a scream, but more to the point harbours the sexiest lyrics, albeit creepy, in the history of the world. Shadows growls ‘You know I make you wanna scream/ You know I make you wanna run from me.’ Maybe it’s just me but I have to restrain myself from tracking down Mr Shadows and…
Ahem. Moving on.
‘Brompton Cocktail’ is an astonishingly emotive song that left me reeling. It appeals on both a metaphorical and literal level. Husky vocals and grinding guitars dominate this track with a chorus so declarative and emotive that your heartstrings will be well and truly plucked. This is no half assed attempt at a song that could potentially touch a lot of people, he sings ‘I won’t struggle on/ In a world so cold/ In a world so wrong.’ Emotive, huh? This ain’t no ballad either, it’s aggressive, husky, dominant and threatens to eat your face with one false move. What’s not to like about it?
What tops this whole record off is the penultimate song on the record. It is the song, which shows Avenged Sevenfold off as true rock royalty. ‘A Little Piece Of Heaven’ is a colossal kick ass 8 minute 2 seconds ménage a trois of pain. Imagine the mentally deranged playing musical instruments and advancing on you while laughing manically and you have the track ‘A Little Piece Of Heaven’. Key changes, tempo changes, full orchestras, creepy kid choir, synthesisers and, probably, a keytar jammed in their somewhere. This is Bohemian Rhapsody with schizophrenia and Jesus of Suburbia on acid. ‘Dear God’ closes the album, and after the aggressiveness of 80% of the album, this is Avenged Sevenfold stripped of their whole hard knock façade. It almost feels as if you’re floating on air and Shadows’ voice is able to mould itself to the softness of the song while still retaining its huskiness. The guitar solo is reminiscent of Queen and Guns n Roses. Whoever said rock was dead is wrong. With artists like this around rock is very much alive and kicking.
This record shows the transformation of a band that was once good but is now becoming great. It is very fitting for the album title to be Avenged Sevenfold because it shows everything and more of what they briefly touched on in previous albums and I have a feeling that the following year for them is going to be great.
Tuesday, 23 October 2007
Ramblings
I figured I could write this here since no-one really reads it, so no-one will ask me about it.
I miss him. I didn't a few weeks ago but now he's got in my head and he plain just refuses to bugger off. I dreamt about him last night, and it wasn't a lovely romantic "...and they lived happily ever after" dream either. It was horrible. We were arguing but he was behind this window and I was on the outside, and I couldn't see his face. God, I haven't seen his face in so long. I've seen him, yes. But always from inside a car or ages away. I hope he hasn't forgotten about me.
Damn it! I just wish things were simpler. I wish I didn't think about him and when I did think about him it didn't hurt like hell. Damn, I'm so whiny. Someone shoot me and tell me to get over it? God's sake.
If you're reading this, you'll know who you are. Just a note for you to get out of my head, please.
I miss him. I didn't a few weeks ago but now he's got in my head and he plain just refuses to bugger off. I dreamt about him last night, and it wasn't a lovely romantic "...and they lived happily ever after" dream either. It was horrible. We were arguing but he was behind this window and I was on the outside, and I couldn't see his face. God, I haven't seen his face in so long. I've seen him, yes. But always from inside a car or ages away. I hope he hasn't forgotten about me.
Damn it! I just wish things were simpler. I wish I didn't think about him and when I did think about him it didn't hurt like hell. Damn, I'm so whiny. Someone shoot me and tell me to get over it? God's sake.
If you're reading this, you'll know who you are. Just a note for you to get out of my head, please.
Monday, 8 October 2007
Living For The Weekend.
I'm tired. I'm tired and bored. I'm tired, bored and hungry. I'm tired, bored, hungry and whiny. Can you blame me? I do not understand how 5 days of sitting on your ass and note taking (with the occassional drama thing) can be so bloody tiring. It's terrible.
And two days in the weekend isn't enough, not by a long shot. I'm like those miners in ye olde times where for every one day of work they did they had to have 3 days rest. Wouldn't that just be the life? I need to sleep and relax and not worry about missing stupid student directed plays and then have to explain to your teacher you didn't check the bus timetable. Humiliating much?
Grrr. College is awesome. Don't get me wrong. I've made so many new friendlings and stuff but I just can't keep up with the pace. I need a spare minute to sleep and think about what it is to be human and all those philosophical things like : Where do I come from? and Why am I here?!
On another note I have decided to be a vegan. I read a book called Skinny Bitch and it's like my bible now. The stuff in it was revolting and it really made sense to the non sensical. Awesome. So yes, now I don't eat dairy, meat, eggs, etc etc. Part of the reason is because I wanna lose weight, of course, what woman doesn't? And another part is that I'm intrigued to see what happens. However, the cafeteria in our College is not vegan friendly. Yes, it's vegetarian friendly. Don't eat chicken carcass? Here have some cheese made from the milk sucked brutally out of a cow by big metal machines. Yum.
Yes, I did used to eat meat and cheese and milk, but now I have a whole new perspective on everything else and I rock. So screw you.
Moving on to happier things. I am going to see My Chemical Romance on 13 Nov. Rock on. It will be the third time this year and the fourth in my lifetime. It makes me so happy. I'm also going to Poland with my friend Rin, we're going to drink Vodka and party like it's 2007....Wait, it is 2007. Okay, some retro year! I'm also going to see the Plain White T's. Okay, they aren't My Chemical Romance but they have that song I can sing like Sylvester the cat "Hey There Delilah." Awesome. And thennnn in February I am going to see 30 Seconds to Mars (Or 20 Seconds To Venus depending on who you are!) Maybe when I walk past Shannon Leto this time I'll notice him before it's too late and get an autograph. Idiot.
Well, I have an english lesson in 10 minutes. Oh joy of all unadulterated joys. So I'm gonna have to scoot. I'll just leave you with this golden nugget of wisdom from my fingertips:
Good sex is safe sex.
That is all. Love, Loves.
Hex
And two days in the weekend isn't enough, not by a long shot. I'm like those miners in ye olde times where for every one day of work they did they had to have 3 days rest. Wouldn't that just be the life? I need to sleep and relax and not worry about missing stupid student directed plays and then have to explain to your teacher you didn't check the bus timetable. Humiliating much?
Grrr. College is awesome. Don't get me wrong. I've made so many new friendlings and stuff but I just can't keep up with the pace. I need a spare minute to sleep and think about what it is to be human and all those philosophical things like : Where do I come from? and Why am I here?!
On another note I have decided to be a vegan. I read a book called Skinny Bitch and it's like my bible now. The stuff in it was revolting and it really made sense to the non sensical. Awesome. So yes, now I don't eat dairy, meat, eggs, etc etc. Part of the reason is because I wanna lose weight, of course, what woman doesn't? And another part is that I'm intrigued to see what happens. However, the cafeteria in our College is not vegan friendly. Yes, it's vegetarian friendly. Don't eat chicken carcass? Here have some cheese made from the milk sucked brutally out of a cow by big metal machines. Yum.
Yes, I did used to eat meat and cheese and milk, but now I have a whole new perspective on everything else and I rock. So screw you.
Moving on to happier things. I am going to see My Chemical Romance on 13 Nov. Rock on. It will be the third time this year and the fourth in my lifetime. It makes me so happy. I'm also going to Poland with my friend Rin, we're going to drink Vodka and party like it's 2007....Wait, it is 2007. Okay, some retro year! I'm also going to see the Plain White T's. Okay, they aren't My Chemical Romance but they have that song I can sing like Sylvester the cat "Hey There Delilah." Awesome. And thennnn in February I am going to see 30 Seconds to Mars (Or 20 Seconds To Venus depending on who you are!) Maybe when I walk past Shannon Leto this time I'll notice him before it's too late and get an autograph. Idiot.
Well, I have an english lesson in 10 minutes. Oh joy of all unadulterated joys. So I'm gonna have to scoot. I'll just leave you with this golden nugget of wisdom from my fingertips:
Good sex is safe sex.
That is all. Love, Loves.
Hex
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